Jerina-Baliw

Its kind of funny how a single person matters so much... there's so many eyes looking.. and yet you wish he'd look at you too.. the compliments are overwhelming.. but none seems so true.. still, you seek for that single attention.. for that unparalleled appreciation... it should not weighed much.. but for you it means a lot.. when everybody else recognizes what you do.. sees all the effort you are putting to.. the time you spent to make it work.. and that excitement you feel when he sees your work.. i soon realize they dont really count.. because for him, its just a waste of time. not even a like..not good enough.. and still i

I really don't know what this journal is all about.. but the good thing is, Its somewhere I can put my thoughts on. What the fuck am I doing? sleeping late.. not sleeping at all.. eating once.. not eating at all.. and i can consume the whole day staring blankly at the wall.. then at the end of the day.. it seems like the whole hours i wasted arent just enough.. I been having those fucking nightmares again and again.. I can feel the bones of cheeks... those cheeks that were ones so tender I actually hated them.. my hands seem tinnier..comparable to a small child.. just the heck was wrong with me. tears fall down my eyes without k

Writing isnt really my thing. But there are feelings and strong emotions caged inside me. I guess its better to write down things rather than what I often do.. . . . Punch the wall until my fists bleed. Get drunk so i could sleep peacefully. . . But the pain never really ceases. The physical pain I am bringing up to myself doesn't even matches that heart wrenching pain I feel inside. I just cant stop it-------- It hurts a lot and I sometimes wish Ill never wake up. . . . And him? He is so fine as if nothing had happened. As if he was never bothered even a bit. He just kept moving forward never looking back while I waste